Balloons, Banners and Blasphemy

I am not cut out for this at all. Or at least I wasn't. I'm the one who drank too much and partied too hard. I'm the one that snuck a secret (well, not so secret anymore) cigarette when the kids were dozing. Now all I want to do is nap or burn all the crap in my house so I don't have to clean it. I really hope we don't have a fire now because the insurance company sure as hell won't believe me after they get wind of this. How did I end up responsible for so many lives when, not 9 years ago, I wasn't even responsible enough to take care of my own life?

At 4am I got a call from Mom and we got to hang out at the ER for a couple of hours. She's okay, thankfully. It's an Alzheimer's thing for another day. At 7 The Baby had to be at pre op for tubes so he could here out of both ears instead of one (no excuses now, Buddy). It's also H's 5th birthday today. Luckily Willie is a much better parent than I am and hung streamers and wrote a note for him on the bathroom mirror. I did let him know that the dollar store has balloons after 7 years of him begging Safeway to give him a $7 balloon at 10pm. I reminded him to re hang the 'birthday' part of our birthday banner that's still up from M's birthday in October. I also took our Halloween decorations down today. I'm not entirely useless.

I have a 5 year old. And an 8 year old. And a 1 year old. Somehow.

There and back again

Mom has been at the ALF for a few weeks now. It's lovely. They have three delicious meals a day, unlimited snacks, a coffee and juice bar that always has fresh cookies and housekeeping. This is all wonderful. Much to my dismay, it's not quite what mom needs. 

Don't get me wrong, I love knowing that the trash is being taken out and her laundry is being done weekly. I love knowing that she doesn't have to cook or clean up after cooking. I love how beautiful the room is and how perfect the color purple they painted the room is for her. I love that she's getting her medications regularly and at the preferred times. 

It's just not right for her. 

Mom needs someone who can turn on the shower for her so she can just walk in. Mom needs someone who can let her know her shirt is on inside out and help her fix it without making her feel like she's stupid. She needs someone who can help remind her that she doesn't have to wear clothes to bed and help her get her nightgown on. She needs someone to pull down her comforter and sheet so she sleeps in the bed instead of on it. She also needs to feel like she's still in her 60s which is not happening at all at the ALF. 

Don't get me wrong, the people are all lovely. They're just old. She's old too, but not that old. 

So here we are at another crossroads for Mom. 

Luckily the couple that rented out her apartment decided to go elsewhere. The complex is going to clean up her carpet and figure out what's going on with the fleas. She's been out for weeks. No one is there. There should be no reason we're still finding some. They're going to check out the vents to make sure nothing is living in them. Hopefully removing or seriously cleaning the carpet will help as well. I do know that I'm not moving her back in in the condition it's in. 

You might be wondering why I'm even considering moving her back there in the first place after all the trouble we went through with fleas and cleaning it out. The thing is, with Alzheimer's, keeping things the same is super important. She knows that place. She has friends there. She has friends that know me and my number and wont hesitate to let me know if something is going on. She loved taking walks around the complex and I had no concerns of her getting lost. 

The plan for now is to hire someone to help out for a couple hours in the morning and in the evenings. They can help with meds, make meals for her, do some light housekeeping and laundry and help her get dressed. I met an incredible lady yesterday who is going to help Mom out in the mornings and she found someone she likes and trusts to help in the evenings. I'll hopefully be meeting her soon. Denise (AM helper) even said she wanted to come over Thursday and help me scrub the place down so we can be ready for them to take care of the carpet once her couch is removed. I'm kinda in love with this woman.

That's all for now. I'm sick and the baby wants to help me type. Wish me luck. 

Alzheimer's Is...

Crying and panicking because you can't remember how to put pants on only to realize 15 minutes later that you already have pants on.